By Beau Blue

We often associate femininity with thin bodies. Indeed, for centuries the image of femininity has been thin, petite women and as a result these types of bodies have become synonymous with elegance, grace and beauty. 

My fat body has never been seen as that. My fat body has never been viewed as feminine. The baggy clothes I am sold in the colour choices of black, grey or navy blue show me all I need to know about what the media, clothing companies and those who make these decisions want me to wear.

Of course, women with curves are praised. But what about when a woman’s body doesn’t fit into those standard body shapes? 

From the cult mindsets of diet groups to the mass advocation for essentially starvation, diet culture has caused generations of women to hate their bodies – even as a fat child, I was doomed for a lifetime of hatred of my body.

As a young adult, I now love myself. I’m able to look in the mirror and like what I see. And now, I want to express myself. I’ve spent so many years covering up my body and my femininity. Now, I want to show it to the world. But I can’t. Well, not exactly.

I can wear what I want, and I can dress how I want. But the companies don’t advertise feminine clothes to me. They give us baggy oversized shirts with some random French quote on; they steer away from colours, and heaven forbid a fat woman wants to wear a dress that is shorter than knee length. The truth is, these companies don’t see fat bodies as feminine. As such, they don’t bother to make feminine clothes for us.

Femininity and its association with petite elegant beauty is a stereotype that harms us all, not just fat women. When was the last time you went into a shop and saw pretty clothes advertised to fat women? Clothes that had a floral pattern, clothes that were pink, yellow, or green. Clothes that were figure-fitting and not just baggy and oversized. People will never view my fat body as feminine because I was never given the chance to present myself as feminine.

Even if I did wear feminine clothes, to what extent would people see me as presenting my femininity? This age-old idea that being thin equals femininity is harming me. It’s harming the older generation, and it’s harming the younger generation. It’s a struggle to find feminine clothes. When I do, they are often expensive and poorly fitting. With the cost of living rising and the world gearing towards a more sustainable future, my clothing options are poor, and I see no view of it changing. 

I want to see clothes made for me, a woman who deserves to show her femininity. I deserve to wear t-shirts that fit in a floral pattern and to own t-shirts that are any colour but black, white or navy blue. I deserve pretty dresses that make my beautiful body look even better, and I deserve feminine clothes; I deserve to express my femininity whether it’s wanted or not. 

My fat body will likely never be seen as feminine, but I deserve to live in a world where my body isn’t an issue to others. I deserve to live peacefully, and I deserve to feel beautiful in what I’m wearing. My femininity is not a weakness, and I deserve the right to present myself to the world in a way that suits ME.