‘It is Time to Normalise the Idea that a Life Without Children is Still a Life’: Introducing The Let Me Live Project

By the Founder of the project

I have known since primary school that I do not want to be a mother. At first, I thought it was just childbirth that bothered me; I resolved to adopt. As I grew up, the thought of devoting my whole life to another human being unconditionally was just too much of a commitment; I resolved to become a foster parent. Now, as a young adult, I have resolved to stick to my plants and pets, and to focus on being The Fun Rich Aunt we all secretly envy.

Despite knowing my true feelings, it has taken me twenty-two years to finally admit to myself that I will never be a parent and that the reasons for this have nothing to do with how I was raised, how society treats mothers or my view of motherhood – although these things are great reminders for my moments of doubt. I am simply who I am: someone who doesn’t want kids. This is the reality for many people who call themselves ‘child-free by choice’.

In May of 2022, there was a school shooting at Robb Elementary School in Uvalde Texas, killing nineteen children under the age of ten. I found myself moved by the testimonies from that day. One mother was so frustrated by the hesitation of law enforcement that she slipped past police and ran into the building herself to save one of her children who was trapped in a classroom. The thought of those children who lost their lives before they had a chance to truly know life still gives me pause when I think about it.

Shortly after, amongst the discussions about gun safety and the value of people’s lives, another debate was sparked across social media, this time about the bodily autonomy of people with wombs. It was triggered by news that the supreme court would potentially be overturning Roe v Wade, which would mean that states would have the ability to determine for themselves whether to criminalise abortion.

It was a potent mix of events. I tried to imagine being forced to have a child against my will, only to then be forced to grieve when they go to school one day and never come back. I tried to imagine the type of person who could care so much about my child whilst it grew inside me, only to leave it to die once it left the hospital.

Something that struck me during this discourse was how both sides seemed to focus solely at times on the extrinsic factors that may lead to someone not wanting to be a parent: inadequate health care, lack of support for parents, lack of protection for children and a crumbling economy. Although this is a valid part of the conversation, I find it reductive and dismissive.

It’s true that many people in the child-free by choice community who would be open to children if not for certain barriers, and I do agree that it is vitally important for our society to address this. However, to imply that nobody would ever want an abortion again is narrow-minded. Whether intended or not, discussing parenthood purely in practical terms alienates a huge subsection of the community from the conversation.

What about people like me, who, with all the money, time and support in the world, would still have an abortion? Is our choice still valid?

With this in mind, I decided to create The Let Me Live Project. I chose this name as a play on the common anti-abortion talking point that an unborn child has as much right to life as a living person and also as a call for people to stop inserting themselves into the personal decisions of people with wombs – allow us to just live happily and unconditionally!

My original idea for this project was to write a book by the same name. It would be an anthology of pieces from people from all walks of life on their experience with abortion and the complicated interlinking of motherhood and womanhood in society. The aim is to fight against the stigma around being child-free, and to normalise the idea that a life without children is still a life. A person with no children has as much to give to society as anyone else.

Whilst we are currently just a small (but growing!) Instagram community, my hope is that one day we can branch out into many different mediums and do work in various online and offline spaces. My biggest goal with this community, though, is to help people like me feel less alone and more confident that they can live a life that will make them happy, without shame or guilt or regret, even if it’s not what we have been conditioned to do.

Find us on Instagram @theletmeliveproject