‘Rebellion is at the Core of All Friendships’: How Platonic Relationships Detach Us From Capitalism and Patriarchy

By Florenne Earle Ledger

‘You have to listen to this podcast, you will love it,’ my friend told me one evening, talking about the Novara Media podcast episode ‘Much More Freedom is Necessary’. They were right; I loved it so much that I wanted to write this article.

I had never thought about the political context of friendship as a rebellious relationship, or what our societal systems could learn from friendship. In the podcast, the author of Radical Intimacy, Sophie K Rosa, highlights the intricate nature of our close friendships and refers to them as acts of rebellion that detach us from capitalism and patriarchy.

Friends encourage us to live our lives beyond our use of the capitalist system. Whether that’s clocking off work early to arrive on time for their birthday dinner or staying out a bit later than we planned and being a little tired at work the next day. Your friends are always up for having fun outside of your existence as a labourer.

Building on this, Rosa encouraged me to think about the fact that friendships have such wholesome foundations. You meet a stranger, you enjoy spending time with them, and you go from there. Unlike romantic relationships, we aren’t fed the idea that we need friends to survive or that the feeling of having a friend will make you feel whole and complete. That’s why friendships are so powerful; they do so much for us but they were never presented as the missing ingredient in our lives.

Friendships expand the possibilities of intimacy and connection. Traditionally, a relationship is isolated between two people, but with friends or groups of friends, the connection extends beyond a couple. Friendships are not shrinking our intimacy: we have more power as a collective.

As for patriarchy, friendships veer us away from living with an individualist mindset. We’re thinking beyond our family entity, about the welfare of people with no connection to us. In my view, this can only ever have a positive outcome on our political systems and our personal choices.

Where our values lie

So if friendships and platonic bonds are so important, why don’t we value them as much as romantic bonds? From my experience, the euphoria of being loved and feeling seen for who you are isn’t exclusive to romantic relationships. Just like a partner, your friends can show you love and do small things to make your day, read your emotions and know what’s happening in your head.

You wouldn’t marry a friend under normal circumstances. People would probably think it was weird if you bought a house with your friend or lived with them over the age of 30. You wouldn’t buy a dog with a friend or adopt a child. But why? Friendships are so emotionally intimate and special, why should it be weird to do any of those things with someone who’s not your romantic partner?

I am guilty of this myself, but when we think about the importance of friendship, why do we have to gratify the significance of these relationships through the lens of a romantic relationship? Why can’t friendship be accepted as something unique and worthy, without being compared to a romantic bond? It shows how much of our lives have been spent striving for a romantic partner and seeing it as the ultimate source of happiness.

The future of friendship

I think the bonds and connections we’ve made with our friends will become increasingly unique and special as we get deeper into the climate crisis and more reliant on AI. Human connection can’t be replaced by machines. It’s time for us to value friendships for the full power they hold to liberate us and make us feel whole outside of patriarchy and capitalism.

In her recent book, It’s Not That Radical, Mikaela Loach discusses the importance of hope and remaining optimistic about what we believe is possible for our world. She writes about how vital it is that we keep imagining a liberated world beyond the constraints of patriarchal and capitalist systems. It seems friendships embody everything we need to imagine different and better systems to help us face this climate crisis: connection, empathy and action are exactly what we need to face the climate crisis as a collective.

Our friendships demonstrate a sense of community and understanding that we need to replicate globally. Support, sympathy and endless understanding are all things that would benefit our society. In this way, friendships are a soft form of comforting rebellion, an example of how society should function at large.

In the wake of the climate crisis, international governments showing each other respect and empathy, working together and valuing each other equally would enable us to work together and overcome some of the worst parts of climate change. Instead, the UK government is single-minded and exploitative of other nations, forcing countries to repay climate debt that was our fault and shipping textile waste driven by Western consumption to the Global South.

If we were to take the values of friendship and apply them to politics, I think we would act with more compassion and make choices that benefit everyone, not just an elite sub-section of the UK.

Loach also discusses how the government wants us to feel beaten down and hopeless, like nothing we can do will make a difference. This is so that they can continue to control us and social progression. This is another reason why friendship is rebellious: it demonstrates we can and do exist independently from patriarchal structures. We don’t have to go by the relationship guidelines fed to us (get married, buy a house, settle down). We can choose what’s best for us and keep flourishing, whether with our friends, family, partner or all three.