‘That Pure Enjoyment is Not There’: Losing Your Inner Little Girl

By Kim J

“What are little girls made of?

What are little girls made of?

Sugar and spice and everything nice, 

That’s what little girls are made of.”

When I was a little girl, I was sweet and innocent, trusting and vulnerable. I saw the whole world as fun and interesting, full of laughter and light. Somewhere along the way, that light became dim. It was almost like a veil was pulled over my eyes, clouding my perspective of all that was around me. Everything is so matter-of-fact now. I don’t dream of fantasies anymore; my dreams are more practical.

Nowadays, the focus is on earning enough so that the bills get paid. The focus is on going to work for the proverbial ‘man’ day after day just to get enough to cover the rent, over and over again. It’s a cycle, a hamster’s wheel. There is no semblance of that little girl anymore. If she ever does appear, it’s only for a fleeting moment. A flash, gone before I even get a proper glimpse. I miss her. I do things that people consider fun, but that pure enjoyment is not there for anything. That thing that would make you squeal with glee as a child is missing.

When I was little, I was fearless – I fought the boys, climbed trees, danced in the rain, and had many friends. As an adult, I am fearful to the point of anxiety. I won’t fight the ‘boys’ because I want a man, heights scare me so climbing trees is out of the question, I stay out of the rain because I don’t want to catch a cold, and now I can count all the people I regard as friends on one hand without using all of my fingers. What a change!

As a little girl, I chose my outfits according to what I wanted to wear. Nowadays, I choose based on what is acceptable to society. I used to wear two different socks and whatever shoes I thought were comfortable. Can you imagine if I showed up at work in two different socks or different shoes? I would be regarded as so strange! Sure, in my mind I think that I am dressing the way that I want, but it is still influenced by societal norms.

When do we lose our inner little girls, ladies? Is it at the first heartbreak? The first betrayal? Does it happen in an instant? Or does a little piece get chipped off gradually over time? Think about it. When was it for you? What happened? Were you aware when she started slipping away, or was it so easy and subtle that you didn’t even notice that it was happening?

I invite you to rediscover that little girl. 

Love on her. I encourage you to ensure that you become the woman that little girl needed without losing her completely in the process. Do not let this world make you so hard that you do not enjoy the little things in life. They are so easy to overlook, but sometimes are a much greater part of the whole than we think.