By Theo Stolz

Disabled people are usually perceived by the media to come in one of two forms – dependent or superhuman. We are expected to be completely dependent on someone to take care of us because of medical and societal barriers. Otherwise, we are expected to have ‘overcome’ our disabilities and thrived despite medical and societal barriers.

The world is caught up in because of or despite.

I could speak on physical disabilities, but to do so would assume I have an understanding of them on a personal level, which I do not. So instead, I shall share my story of having a mental disability.

The story is all too familiar: expectations are high, and energy is low. I often get asked how I manage to do so much. The answer is simple in the heaviest of ways: in order to be superhuman, I forgot how to be human.

I neglect the basic needs of my existence in order to meet the needs that society expects. I struggle to eat, drink, sleep and socialise at a normal rate. All for the sake of focus. Focusing on becoming someone who is employable, hard-working and educated. I wanted to be one of the people who thrives despite my disability.

I’ve managed to come to the uncomfortable yet essential acknowledgement that this is internalised ableism. This world of because of or despite makes me believe I have to be one or the other as an entire person. Many would say that this binary thinking should be abolished altogether, and if this is what helps them, I would agree.

Personally, recognising what I cannot do because of and what I can do despite my disability enables me to see how my disability affects me. In turn, it allows me to see what I am capable of as a result of my disability. I am capable of things that do not come easily to neurotypicals. Neurotypicals are seen as the standard though.

The world has a large emphasis on standardised care, standardised tests, standardised life. The result of this is that people perceive ‘average’ to be even somewhat useful to individuals. Often, people who are not ‘average’ are thrown aside as an outlier in the data.

Let’s not even begin to discuss how small the percentage of people who meet the criteria of ‘average’ is. Instead, let’s just say this. People are not data. We are not news headlines. We are not numbers on a screen.

If I were to stack the odds, there would be such a small chance I would be here writing this today. People think using this voice is inspiring. Well, calling me inspiring is not helpful. It essentially implies how little you believed in me – in disabled people – to begin with. It is comparing me to the odds and seeing if I’m an outlier. I am not superhuman, a piece of data, or a news article. There is a person behind these words.

Sonder describes the feeling when you realise everyone is equally as complex as you are. Well, I am trying to accept that I don’t need to be an inspiration to be valid. I am complex, and I am allowed to meet my needs as a human instead of exceeding the expectations placed upon me at all times.

In this sense, this piece acts as a declaration of the simple fact that I am human. I have human needs and human desires. Once I stop trying to exist despite my disability, I can finally start living as a disabled person.