I Am

By Khara Burch

I am exotic

I am envied 

for my luscious, tanned skin

Brown and glowing in the summer months

Waves and curls flowing from my head

And my almond eyes topped with long curvy eyelashes

I am exotic

(but) I am a trend

my features can all be bought, tried on

My eyes, my brows, my skin worn like a costume

My heritage bottled

My (ugly), bushy eyebrows are suddenly cool

Yet you tell me I'm ‘so beautiful, so lucky’, that you're jealous

You say ‘are you mixed or something?’

You ask me ‘where are you from?’

Interrogating my identity as if it’s something I wear on my sleeve

Investigating my identity as if it’s owed to you

Others can’t make sense of me

Because I am exotic

Because I am different

Because I am mixed

I am healthy

Mixed genes from both sides

Indian and English, whole worlds away

Both boosting my immunity

Making me better, stronger

And yet sometimes I am more vulnerable

‘BAME need vitamin D supplements’

Catarax in the family

Lung cancer on my dad’s side

Breast cancer on my mum’s

So am I any healthier?

Why am I not allowed to be whole?

I’m bored of the percentages, fractions, the data

Just look at my parents

That is where I came from, what influenced who I am

And I am brilliant, and I’m beautiful and I’m blessed

But apparently, I am also

modern

I am smart

I am the face of the London Olympics

The face of the modern family

The face of desire and lust

The face of ambiguity

I am everyone and no one

I am yours to question

I am less and I am more

I am neither black nor white

White nor brown

Tanned nor pale

Asian or English

I am stuck in the middle.

I am stuck

Who am I?