By Kate Benson

 

Introduction:

 

I have been on and off dating apps for YEARS, as I’m sure many of you have. At times my relationship with them has been healthy, but recently I have just been bored of them. I know I could get a date if I set my mind to it, however the endless stream of faces and mediocre prompts just seem to blur into one. Even when I have been on dating app dates, they have been uninspiring. This seems to be a widespread sentiment, with a move to offline dating and ideas for ways to meet people in person becoming more common again.

 

I have always found it very difficult to approach people and it has been my goal to get better, especially since I don’t drink much alcohol anymore (the classic inhibition remover). Inspired by a friend, I decided to make some business cards to give out to people I fancied. I was very excited by this, having previously tried a similar method with a stamp, which had felt a bit too difficult at the time. Easier to chuck a card at someone than have to ask for their hand to stamp, right?

 

Aim:

 

To see if giving out business cards works as a good alternative method of meeting people in person.

 

Hypothesis:

 

It is predicted that this will work as an alternative way of meeting people because it will force me (a shy, socially awkward person) to approach people, rather than running away from anyone I fancy in a panic. I felt an instant regret on commitment; now I had to actually do it. FUCK.

 

Methods:

 

First, I created the business cards. Using a cute design on Canva, I added my name, job title (‘A Great Catch’), contact details and a custom email starting with ‘ifancyyou’ – a nice touch, I thought.

 

Next was deciding on the how. I was imagining a slick handover; walking over and passing the card as if I was handing them a bribe. All without having to actually talk to anyone. Of course, I could just be writing down my number on a slip of paper and giving it to them, but somehow this felt way more embarrassing in a way that meant it was funny.

 

Finally, there was actually doing it… shouldn’t be hard, should it?

 

Results:

 

My first attempt was a cop-out because it wasn’t even me giving out the cards. I went home not feeling well, and so my friends enthusiastically offered to hand them out. I think they forgot, and even if they hadn’t, it really defeats the point if the receiver doesn’t even know who the card belonged to.

 

Every time I was in a public place, I would think about how I SHOULD be giving out these cards and therefore managed to make myself so worried about it that I did nothing at all. It plagued me. Eventually, my second attempt was leaving one behind at a table for someone when I was out, with no follow-up… but at least I kind of tried it.

 

I realised I needed to change my approach and specifically made plans with friends to go out and hand out the cards, with them as my wingwomen. I am yet to find out if this would have worked (I have a feeling I may have chickened out) because both those plans got cancelled through no fault of our own.

 

Then came the admittance of defeat. So, these are literally ALL the results I have to give you.

 

Discussion:

 

I realise now that this was a bad time for me to do the experiment. Having Long Covid has meant I have been relatively isolated for a year, my social life mainly being 1-on-1 meetups with friends. I have started to feel a bit better and therefore suddenly decided I must date, I must make lots of friends, I must be able to approach people in public. I put pressure on myself to miraculously become a confident person who can flirt with people, despite not doing anything like it for a year (not that I could really do it before either lol).

 

What also muddled my mind was not knowing what to say to someone when I gave them the card. Realistically, it isn’t going to work just giving it to them and running away. So, is the card even useful if you are going to have to learn to approach someone anyway, which was my problem in the first place? Who knows.

 

Conclusion:

 

I FAILED at this approach, and that is so okay. I often think of failure in dating as such a negative reflection on myself – ‘Why am I so useless? Why can’t I just be more confident?’ – and it’s so refreshing to just accept that I couldn’t do it and move on. I think this is a very fun idea, but in order to give these cards you still need to have a certain level of confidence.

 

While throwing yourself in at the deep end can seem like a good idea, and it might be for some, it can also result in complete inaction. I have realised I need to take the pressure off and work up step by step, seeing as how I can barely even look in someone’s direction across a room in an attempt to flirt. If I try baby steps, maybe this time next year I will be flinging out business cards like there’s no tomorrow.