Unlearning What Disney Films Taught Me About Relationships

By Alyssa Alexander 

When I was four years old, my favourite Disney princess was Cinderella. There weren't any Black princesses until 2010, but I remember watching Whitney Houston and Brandy's version of Cinderella and loving it.

Self-analyzing, I was always a quiet and shy child. Cinderella was relatively shy, soft and good. She did what she was told; she was always kind. As I got older, though, I started getting bored with this storyline and sought out something more intriguing. 

I found myself gravitating towards Belle from Beauty and the Beast. A beautiful young girl wanted by the most handsome guy in town sacrifices herself for her father to live with a beast in a beautiful castle? Fascinating.

To be honest, I always found the Beast more attractive than the prince in his human form. He was irate and highly temperamental with Belle at first. As time goes on, her kindness, intelligence and attractiveness change that. 

She mends his scars, smooths out his rough edges and, most importantly, teaches him how to not only love himself but her and everyone around him. It's one of the most beautiful and damaging stories I ever watched as a child, and it has followed me into my adult relationships today.

Last semester, I took a course called Race Ethnicity & Class in Media, which I absolutely loved. For our final project, we worked in groups. Our case study was gender roles in the three generations of Disney. One of the resources that I read was Teaching with Disney, which talked about how Belle was a very harmful representation for women. 

I also watched a documentary called Mickey Mouse Monopoly, in which Dr Carolyn Newburger speaks about how Belle's story is especially detrimental to young girls because it teaches them that it's okay to accept negative behaviour from men. If they're kind enough, it'll eventually change the man in question.

I was SO offended when I first heard this. Not Belle – not my favourite Disney princess. Even when they showed the interviews of the little girls who participated in the experiment, I didn't want to believe it. The interviewer asked the girls what they would tell Belle if she was their friend. One said: ‘just keep on being nice and sweet as you are, and that will probably change him.’ 

Now, I'm having second thoughts. Why? I'll tell you. It all starts in a tale about a young girl who just wanted to find love like many other young girls. But it was hard because she grew up in a time when being darker skinned wasn't as celebrated as it is today. She had a strict mother and went to predominately white schools. Fast forward to college. Boy meets girl, girl thinks she falls in love, boy forces his existence on her, girl eventually gets too overwhelmed and leaves. Do you see the pattern?

A lot of women have this initial need to be nurturers. To help and comfort their loved ones. For me, I've always been the type of person to go hard for mine, whether family or friends. But when it came to the men I was dating, it's like that feeling intensified. I was the one they dumped all their problems on. The one that always listened no matter how trivial they were.

I never would like to kick someone while they're down, and it seemed most of the guys I dated in my life were always down. Often financially. They also suffered familial loss, depression, rage, substance abuse and addiction. 

So how does this tie into Belle in Beauty and the Beast? Before Belle came along, the Beast had it all. A gorgeous castle, women falling at his feet. The Beast was cursed for being unkind and selfish and, most of all, full of rage at the world for problems that only he exacted on himself and only he could fix. 

Yes, it worked out for Belle and the Beast in the end. Still, that type of story very rarely actually ends in a happily ever after. No one can change a person who doesn't want to change. No woman can change a man if he's not in the mindset for that change. 

On most occasions, if the man does end up fixing his circumstances, he usually never stays with the woman who was helping him get on his feet. Once he glows up, he trades her in for a newer model that matches his new aesthetic. Now that woman who was down for this man for years is drained of her likeness. She poured so much of herself into someone else and most likely never got anything in return. 

I'm not saying you help someone for something in return. However, in a relationship, it is supposed to be a partnership. Equally yoked. That means if one partner is down, the other lifts them up and vice versa. Many women think they'll get an experience like Belle or Keyshia Kaoir. But like I said, these are extenuating circumstances. Meaning it RARELY HAPPENS. So, don't get caught out here supporting a man just for you to get left drained and empty. 

I’ll admit that I always thought that the story of Beauty and the Beast was about not judging a book by its cover. To look beyond the outside and see what’s inside. This lesson is one that I will take with me for the rest of my life. It is how I learned to not be attracted to a physical appearance but an internal one. 

However, a message such as this can also have damaging effects because it portrays that anger is something to be tolerated. After all, that person is only hurt. They don't mean it, and if you nurse that infantile behaviour, it'll mature. This is not realistic. If anything, that is how many abusive, physical or emotional relationships begin.

I love Belle, and Beauty and the Beast is a beautiful story. However, is it one for children to be watching today? Personally, I would not completely write it off. When I have children and they see it, I will make sure to have open communication with them about this movie. 

I would inquire how they feel, like the children in Mickey Mouse Monopoly were asked. I would also explain to them that the way the Beast behaved is not acceptable, that there is nothing wrong with being good like Belle but that you also must learn to walk away. 

This will be a lesson for my daughters and sons because not enough men are being taught how to treat a woman, and men are not exempt from being physically and emotionally abused.

As for me, I will be working to unlearn these lessons of the Beauty Typecast, and at putting the same energy I used to put into my romantic relationships back into myself. I will replenish all that I lost and regain the power that was drained from me. 

Beauty and the Beast is not the sole blame for my poor choices in relationships. But as a children's movie marketed to millions of young minds worldwide, it needs a little message that Disney is having now on all questionable classics. Or, at the very least, a trigger warning.