By Jazmine Lende

 

Growing up, female masturbation was unheard of.

 

The same can’t be said for male masturbation. I was constantly surrounded by boys in middle school exchanging stories about ‘jerking off’, and everywhere I looked there were screens lit up with porn in the hands of boys bragging about how they ‘got off to it’.

 

This was a) confusing as hell for a young woman going through puberty with a surge of hormones and no way to channel them while the boys around me did and b) isolating as a female who wanted to indulge in this form of stress release when no other girl around me seemed to be doing so. It felt as if I was the only fish in the pond of interest in female masturbation.

 

In the simplest of terms, I was very wrong. But this was how it seemed with the stigmatisation of female masturbation and the ridicule that came with it. Say what you will, but there is a double standard for women when it comes to masturbation. On one end, we’re fetishised or slut-shamed for it by our male peers. On the other end, we receive backlash from our fellow females who think such activities are considered taboo, unladylike or disgusting. This is all while men are free to talk about masturbation as if it’s an award to be shown off and gloated about.

 

It really wasn’t until one of my close male friends and I talked about masturbating that I became comfortable approaching it. He put it this way for me: ‘why should you be missing out on a life experience that helps you connect with yourself in a deeper way, and that makes your mental health better?’

 

It was then, at the age of thirteen, that I found masturbation amounted to more than an orgasm: it was a practice of self-love and sexual health. I was able to use masturbation as a tool to relieve stress, navigate my sexuality and get more comfortable in my own skin. Thus began the confusion of why female masturbation was hidden like this terrible thing that no one should ever talk about or take part in.

 

So, I decided to consult my girlfriends at the time to try and bring female masturbation to light. They met me with dissatisfied looks on their faces and a chuckle here and there. Having brought the topic up made me appear as some abnormally hypersexual teen girl to them, and they all seemed to have been taught that it is gross to touch themselves. I thought, ‘what a shame these women don’t know how liberating exploring your own vagina can be’.

 

Since that day, I’ve had many more conversations with women about their experiences with female masturbation and received the collective response that exploring one’s self is freeing and that women from a young age should be taught that it is a natural, harmless and pleasurable activity.

 

I wrote this article with all the women in mind who needed and still need a voice to tell them that female masturbation is not only okay but encouraged! And should be encouraged just as much as male masturbation is. Exploring sexual behaviour was and still is put down for women and praised for men due to patriarchal influence and societal standards that keep females from experiencing the same kind of sexual gratification men do by reinforcing gender stereotypes and gender biases.

 

I don’t want other girls and women after me to feel the way I did. I want them to say the words ‘female masturbation’ out loud; I want them to have conversations with their parents, doctors, friends and peers. There should be no limitations put on what you should or shouldn’t do with your own body, and there should be an open conversation about it.

           

If you’re not convinced now, here are the top reasons why you should try female masturbation. Masturbating can create a more positive body image and improve self-worth, boosting overall self-esteem through exploring your body and finding your unique sexual pleasures. Not only that, but the act of masturbation releases several mood-lifting hormones. Which, in simpler terms, means that masturbating makes you happier and reduces stress levels.

 

Masturbating regularly is not only sexually healthy, but it also keeps you in tune with parts of you that are typically out of sight and out of mind. Masturbating can make you more aware of any health concerns that arise that you otherwise wouldn’t catch.

 

As you can see, the various effects of female masturbation are all positive, so why not give it a try?

 

I hope through transparency that we can build toward a future that openly accepts female masturbationl, and that educates women on the importance of self-inflicted sexual gratification and all the benefits it has for overall mental and physical wellbeing. I ultimately desire that through this article, women can gain some form of empowerment. Women deserve all the same experiences men have, especially those that they’ve been deterred from due to gender bias.

 

Don’t let yourself be like the thirteen-year-old me who was ashamed to touch myself; be the you that read this article and knows female masturbation exists. And that it’s totally normal.