‘Complacently May Be Comfortable, But It’s A Trap’: Why Growing Up and Growing Apart Should be Celebrated, Not Side-Stepped

By Tegan Morrison

Change can be a wonderful thing. Read that again.

‘Growing up’ is a constant journey and involves a lot of change. Beliefs, values, desires, hopes, perceptions and ambitions naturally evolve as we age. Change can be uncomfortable, but take it from me as someone who figured this out the hard way – trying to avoid change does not stop it from happening; it simply makes it harder.

The mind naturally wants to hold onto ideas, feelings, situations and people because holding onto what is ‘known’ is a whole lot less scary than walking, diving, falling (insert whatever verb feels most suitable here), into the unknown. The known is comfortable. However, comfort can quickly turn into complacency.

Complacency – or in other words, settling for a mediocre life. Having the ‘meh, that is good enough’ mindset. Have you ever heard that famous quote from Theodore Roosevelt, the one about comparison being the thief of joy? Well, if this is true, complacency is a close second. Living a complacent life steals one's creativity and ambition. It robs you of opportunities for growth. Complacency may be comfortable, but it is a trap. Don’t fall for it. I am telling you now, you deserve more.

Avoiding complacency requires one key thing. You guessed it: change. It requires taking risks. It requires stepping out of your comfort zone. It requires hard work. It requires identifying and removing barriers that may be preventing you from reaching your full potential. It requires letting go of limiting beliefs, situations, and yes, sometimes people. I know that sounds harsh, but I promise you, it isn’t.

Guilt can often surround ‘growing up’ because it comes hand in hand with growing apart from people and places that you may have thought would always be in your life. But let me offer you some sincere reassurance; not everyone or everything that comes into your life is meant to stay in your life. And that is okay.

Growing up is growing apart. The two come hand in hand. Why? Because in order to allow space for the new, you must first make the space by letting go of whatever is no longer serving you. Outgrowing people is a part of life. Often, it can feel like your life is falling apart just before a big breakthrough.

It can feel lonely as you grow apart from friends, and it may even feel like you are doing something bad. You are not doing something wrong; you are doing something that is right for yourself and your future. Holding onto things that no longer align with who you are will only create unhappiness and leave you with an empty cup (metaphorically – but you can use this as a reminder to drink enough water). As we all know, you cannot pour from an empty cup.

So, do not hold onto things that no longer fulfil you. Do not hold onto something or someone that no longer aligns with you. Do not hold onto the things that no longer feel right. Listen to life's feedback and be ready and willing to pivot when your life appears to request it. This is your only life; it is too short to limit yourself and hold back from ‘growing up’ – whatever age you may be.

Live your life for you, not anyone else. Those who are meant to stay will continue to align and grow with you. Growing up does mean growing apart from places, situations and people, but you deserve to experience all that life has to offer you.