‘It Was a Contained Habit’: Marijuana, Chronic Illness and the Risks of Self-Medicating

By Talia D’Intino 

The first time I smoked pot, I didn’t get high. My friends and I did it out of a little blue pipe at a creek party. I was sixteen, just starting to branch out, and wanted to follow in the footsteps of every teenager before me. Relationships and sex were beyond my interests. Making friends and feeling good was what I was looking for; I expected pot to get me there. Most people I knew said that it was normal to stay sober the first time you smoked, but it didn’t compensate for the utter disappointment I felt. 

Despite my desire to party, I rarely consumed pot on my own. It made me hungry and overly sleepy – I hated that. I still felt tired when smoking with my friends, but they kept me awake with conversation, and everything seemed a little funnier. Many times, my friends and I laughed so hard that we cried. We’d split a massive pizza, having silly conversations as we passed around another joint. It sounds corny, but the act of smoking brought us into these intimate moments, and I wouldn’t trade them for anything. 

My marijuana use remained casual until December 2019. I experienced severe health issues, and after months of tests and scans, I was diagnosed with ulcerative colitis. The doctors put me on medication immediately, and the adjustment period was hell; for two straight weeks I had joint pain, constant chills and heavy spells of fatigue. Once I got used to the meds I felt better, but I still had cramping bad enough to keep me awake at night. 

I never thought of using marijuana to ease my pain – my doctor suggested it. He informed me that many people who suffer from IBS use it to relax from the stress of their illness. I was desperate, and having previously enjoyed smoking pot, I had nothing to lose. I already owned a little bong; I just needed something to smoke. I drove to the only dispensary in my hometown and bought 3.5 grams of an indica: something to relax me and make me sleepy. One bowl later, and I was out like a light. 

It began as simply as that. I only used marijuana to ease my cramps and stay asleep; it was a contained habit. Over time, my illness got better and my appetite came back. Actually, my appetite was enhanced, and I found myself overeating – often before bed. I kept most of the extra weight off because I worked out, but I felt constantly bloated. I put a stop to that right away and found the self-control to not eat just because I was high.

When the pandemic hit, I smoked much more. I had nothing else to do. Then, after going through a breakup in January 2021, I relied heavily on pot to ease my stress and heartache. I no longer only needed marijuana to assist in pain relief or keep me asleep. I was so depressed that for two weeks straight I would get high, nap and repeat. If anything, the weed made me feel worse. 

I always tried to be honest with myself when it came to my consumption of pot. My grandfather was an alcoholic; my uncle was a drug addict. The genes for addiction are clearly there. I didn’t want to be a person that needed to get high to do simple things throughout their day, but that is what I had become.

Unemployed and heartbroken, I was using marijuana to escape my problems. I didn’t call it an addiction because no one seems to view heavy marijuana use that way. It felt like addiction, though. Smoking pot was something I still enjoyed, and I didn’t want to stop consuming completely. But I had to find a balance. Now physically healthy, I had no excuse to keep using it the way I had before. I started smoking only before I went to bed.

Coincidentally, I got a job at a dispensary a couple of weeks later. I fell in love with the industry and the actual production of marijuana and still kept my habit at a healthy level. When I do have a flare-up now and then, marijuana does aid in the cramps and discomfort. But I don’t rely on it for anything else.

Working at a dispensary opened my eyes to how many people struggle with IBS daily and how many use marijuana to ease the symptoms. Various individuals that I’ve met have had similar struggles to mine, and they always tell me they’re incredibly thankful to meet someone who shares these experiences. IBS can be a very difficult thing to live with, and it brings me comfort knowing that I can help these people. 

My job does, however, also show me the downsides of marijuana consumption. A customer I helped told me she experienced painful migraines every time she consumed weed. I tried to lead her towards CBD dominant products, which is usually a product with little to no THC (the stuff that gets you high), but she was adamant on smoking. In situations like this, it is up to me to do my job despite what I think. I haven’t seen that person since. 

Though it is not an addictive substance, it can easily become habitual – especially for those who struggle with mental health issues or in my case, a chronic illness. I think that marijuana is incredibly useful and should continue to be legal and utilised, but we need to educate ourselves more and treat the substance for what it is: a drug. The more we know and understand, the safer – and hopefully healthier – we can be.