Crash Mat

By Amy Spaughton

I wear laid back as a medal and a brand

Burning and heavy and around my neck

When they say it they are right

But when I hear it I hear them telling themselves 

It’s ok, it’s ok, she’s laid back

It doesn’t matter what I say to her

She’s laidback

She doesn't have feelings the way I have feelings

She’s laidback

She’s cool

I don’t have to consider her

She’s laid back

She’s a crash mat

I can’t dent her

And so when I do have a feeling, expressed

It’s unexpected

And petty

Calculated

Suddenly I'm a laidback villain

Because I'm in perfect control

So I must be doing this to hurt them

The hero

I become a challenge

For those who live off the flap

My existence devalues them somehow

So they want to pick at me

Prove I’m fake

At least the flappers believe me real