‘The Lines Between When You Do and Don’t Have Consent Have Blurred’: How Hookup Culture Has Normalised Sexual Assault
By Lucy Griffiths
It's become increasingly and painfully clear after I’ve entered college that while hookup culture can be empowering for many, it can also be a breeding ground for sexual assault.
The freedom to have sex when you want, as much as you want and with whom you want –without judgement – is a freedom that is gradually being accepted today. Despite the empowering nature of hookup culture, it has normalised certain elements of sexual assault on campus. Sex can now be openly treated as a normal thing, so the lines between when you do and do not have consent have blurred.
One night, I was speaking to a few friends who also lived on campus. Our discussion topic was our current sex lives. Each time one of us got into the nitty-gritty, I became increasingly aware of how many things our partners had done that just didn’t seem right yet were normal and common among us.
Sexual assault seemed to be just something that comes along with sex. An unpleasant side effect that you endure to participate in hookup culture. ‘Oh, they did that to you? I had someone do that to me last month’, would often float by without protest.
Is it normal to have sex in these conditions? The answer is no. Uncomfortable, impaired, nonconsensual sex is harmful to everyone.
As we have normalised hookup culture, some (and by some, I mean most on college campuses) assume that everyone wants to have sex all the time. Hookup culture is freeing but also harmful, thanks to the basic concept of boundaries.
Here are some examples of sexual assault that may seem a little too familiar to some of you, things that felt wrong at the time and still do now, despite the reassurance of normalcy from your peers.
The Sneaky Removal of the Condom
When you’re having sex, and you consent to have sex with a condom, that’s a green light! It’s a go. But as soon as that partner takes off the condom, without your consent or knowledge, that’s sexual assault.
Even if they claim that they pulled out, STIs are still a health concern. Honestly, it should be a simple enough rule to follow. Keep the condom on! (Unless you get express permission to take it off.)
High Sex ≠ Consensual Sex
We have all heard that drunk sex isn’t consensual. The truth is, any sex under the influence of drugs or alcohol is nonconsensual. Yet, when it comes to substances such as weed, it is often forgotten that substance and sex don’t mix. High sex is still sex under the influence.
Also, the cottonmouth isn’t all that pleasant when you’re trying to participate in a makeout session.
‘Convincing’
After seeing men pine after women in romantic movies and songs, it’s been normalised for a person to ‘convince’ (read: pester, force) another to have sex. Not only is it extremely pathetic (take a hint), but also nonconsensual. A ‘no’ does not mean ‘convince me’; it simply means ‘take my very verbal hint and be a decent human being. Stop’.
Whether or not you participate in hookup culture, these are three very normalised forms of sexual assault to be aware of and to call out when you come across it. If something doesn’t feel right, it probably isn’t – no matter if it’s also happened to your friends. Let them know that they should call it out too.
You should be allowed a space in the world to have safe, comfortable sex.