Happy Girl Winter: How to Overcome Seasonal Depressive Disorder
Dance, Artform, Sport: A Brief History of Pole Dancing and How it Helped My Mental Health
Reactions when revealing that you are a pole dancer vary. There are people who fully respect and genuinely support you in your endeavours and others who outright judge and reject you based solely on this one fact. Then, there’s everyone in between. It’s difficult to decipher when people are hiding their disgust underneath a mask of friendliness or if people who aren’t outwardly disparaging you simply have a false understanding of what pole dancing is…
The Trivialisation of Mentally Ill Celebrities by the Media
Tabloids continued to conjure up salacious rumours and post personal reports on the stars’ lives. TV shows, magazines and social commentators would make light of the ongoing trauma of these women and brutally mock them. Instead of acknowledging that these women were being taken advantage of at the expense of their sanity, the media proceeded to harass them with their trademark joviality…
A Love Letter to the Strong Women in My Life
I’ve become a strong woman throughout the years, and God it’s hard and painful. Sometimes I wish I didn’t know the right thing to do because then I wouldn’t have to choose. But I’ve never felt alone: I am strong, and I’ll always carry some of your strength with me…
Ten Subtle Signs You’re Improving on Your Self-Love Journey
During my ongoing self-love journey, I have come to realise that I produced plenty of results that I had minimised and overlooked, which I am anxious to share with those who may be doing the same thing. Here are ten subtle signs you’re improving on your self-love journey to remind you that even small steps take you closer to your destination…
‘More Painful Than Childbirth’: Suffering from Cluster Headaches
The excruciating pain began to take over my life. I was having a number of attacks in a day, which in itself was exhausting, but what I also struggled with was the impact on my mental health. Trying to explain to people that I felt unwell yet again and the suddenness of an attack was terrible, and the pain would heighten very fast…
A History of Anxiety Attacks and How I’ve Gotten Through Them
I recall how my breathing changed, making it hard to tell my mom what had happened. I sat shaking, trying to calm myself down, not knowing what was wrong with me. Now, I know I experienced my first anxiety attack that day. But at that point, I didn’t know anxiety was something I struggled with…
How Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder is Both My Enemy and Friend in My Writing Process
The word OCD creates numerous images in our minds. Most of the time, those images are related to cleaning excessively or the order in which we prefer to do things. Those elements, of course, can be something that someone who was diagnosed with OCD can struggle with. However, this disorder can mean so many other different things – and for each individual, there is a distinctive experience…
Representation in Mental Health Matters: A Queer Black Muslim Woman’s Guide to Therapy
It is easier for some to blame my parents for the environment I grew up in without seeing how Western colonialism, slavery and racism perpetuated the generational trauma that has haunted my family, that the world’s Islamophobia and thereby the pressure to be perfect the entire course of my life was what broke the camel’s back. These are the things that I struggle to articulate when tasked with explaining to those who ask why I need to talk specifically to a queer black professional…
What TV Doesn’t Tell You About Anti-Depressants
For most people this will be the only exposure they get to this type of medication. It means that people like me, who rely on this medication to function, feel the need to hide that part of themselves because they don’t want to be perceived as unstable. It also means that people who really need this type of treatment may be reluctant to take it as they see it as belonging to a special group of ‘crazy’ people…
Make the Music Stop: What it Feels Like to Live with Borderline Personality Disorder
Borderline Personality Disorder is like a never-ending battle with your brain. I have constant feelings that are excruciating and full of hopelessness. But I feel completely empty, void of all feeling, at the same time. Where’s the balance? Please. Make the music stop…
It’s Not Your Fault: Forgiving Myself for My Bipolar Disorder
It remains difficult to avoid demonising everything related to my condition. I am not going to lie to you all and say that being bipolar has its perks or ‘gives me character’. I will say, however, that it is not so simple to draw the line between myself and my condition. As a result, demonising my bipolar means demonising myself…
‘You Feel Like a Fraud, a Fake’: Fighting Imposter Syndrome
Imposter syndrome is loosely defined as doubting your abilities and feeling like a fraud. It disproportionately affects high-achieving people, who find it difficult to accept their accomplishments. Many question whether they're deserving. It involves feelings of self-doubt and personal incompetence that persist despite your education, experience, and accomplishments…
Not Feeling Normal: The Impact of Birth Control on My Mental Health
There is currently no precise percentage for the number of women who experience negative side effects from the pill, as everybody is different and it is difficult to measure. In the beginning, this fact put me at ease. When I didn’t feel any pain and wasn’t plagued by the feeling of sickness constantly, I took it as a win. Physically, I was fine. But I didn’t even consider the mental side of it…
My Experience of EMDR Therapy
I was willing to try anything to allow myself even a moment of respite, so I met an EMDR therapist. She explained the therapy to me as the idea of reprocessing your perception of time and emotion when experiencing a flashback. When encountering a trigger, something can happen called an amygdala hijack. The amygdala is the part of your brain that processes memory and emotional responses. When overwhelmed, it effectively goes into panic mode and it’s near impossible to process that, while triggered, you’re not in danger at that precise moment…
‘You Are Not Alone in What You Are Feeling’: The Trouble with Toxic Positivity
Toxic positivity stems from the idea that if we are going through something negative, we should “focus on the positive” and “look on the bright side”. These phrases, which so many of us internalise, negate the importance of allowing ourselves to feel the negative emotion in order to work through our pain and heal in our own time…
Black Girl Bipolar: Mania and Other Magic Tricks
Depression was the first magic trick I ever learned. I knew how to be around my favourite people, all while trying to maintain the expectations of being a woman with a good head on her shoulders, all while feeling empty inside. Nothing seemed worthy of celebrating, and I didn’t like myself enough to care about anything…
‘Growing into a Healthier and Happier Human Being’: My Experience of In-Person and Virtual Therapy
During my sister’s first visit home, she was full of stories about the amazing experiences that she had been having. I sat and listened silently, anger bubbling inside. Then, one night, the anger burst in the form of a screaming rage. When a gap emerged between the screams and tears, my mum calmly stated that I should consider seeing a doctor. I accepted…
Schizophrenia, The Pandemic, and Me: My Experience in a Psych Ward During Covid
I had my third psychotic episode after stopping the medication that I had been on for ten years. This time it was around April 2020, just after covid was announced and lockdowns took effect. I was admitted to the hospital involuntarily. I was also diagnosed with schizophrenia. I was hospitalised for only a month. However, because of covid, my experience was profoundly different to those in my past…
In Praise of Quitting: Five Lessons from a Recovering Completionist
Despite the angst and uncertainty, quitting has been worth it. Finally, I’m overriding my completionist predisposition and acting in my own best interests. Quitting has taught me a lot. Here are the five lessons that I’ve learned…
An Unrecognisable Reflection: Struggling with Identity Amid Depression
Navigating depression is hard when so many people tell you their own opinions. “You should have a better diet,” they say, “Just get over it,” or “It’s all in your head.” These thoughts run around in your mind like a rollercoaster at full speed. The twists and turns of what depression tries to make you believe leave you nauseated. That’s how it was for me.