Happy Girl Winter: How to Overcome Seasonal Depressive Disorder
‘Too Female’ for Autism and ADHD: Misdiagnosis, Mistreatment and Misogyny
Any hopes I had of a diagnosis didn’t last. Two weeks after the final appointment, I was told I wasn’t autistic because I didn’t fit the criteria. According to these ancient and outdated guidelines, my hobbies were ‘too female’, my eye contact was ‘far too good’ and I was ‘coping too well to be on the spectrum’…
‘Grief is Like Being in Pitch Darkness’: Navigating the Sudden Death of My Mum
In the days and weeks that followed, I noticed that a fundamental part of me had left with her. I felt a permanent shift at the core of who I was. Like countries that were once together that are now forever set apart. A seismic shift. If I only exist because of her, how can I exist without her? Everything I knew about death seemed so confusing…
‘Detachment and Healing Cannot Coexist’: Reflecting on Trauma Responses After Assault
Things have happened to my body, but not to me. My body has been hurt, but I have not. My body has suffered, but I have not. Except obviously this is not true. It can’t be. And obviously, it does not help. It’s so incomplete. It attempts to eliminate so much mental pain and yet, in skating over such fundamental and heartbreaking truths, it only exacerbates it…
‘Multiple Evanescent White Dot Syndrome, or MEWDS for Short’: My Story of Being Diagnosed with a Rare Eye Disease
The disease develops spontaneously and mostly in young, healthy adult women. It can sometimes be caused by a virus or an autoimmune disease, but for me the cause is unknown. I had about ten vials of blood taken that day and the results were all normal…
‘An Eating Disorder Can Look Different To Everyone’: Recovering From An Eating Disorder I Didn’t Know I Had
An eating disorder is when you stop eating at all or eat too much and then force your body to get rid of it somehow – at least, that’s all I thought it could be. I was absolutely certain I’d never come close to having one. I loved eating and hated throwing up. The problem here, if you haven’t already guessed it, is that that’s not the entire definition of an eating disorder. Not even close…
‘Fight, Flight, Fawn’: How Growing Up with Domestic Violence Shaped My Responses as an Adult
One would think that our lives were back to ‘normal’ and on the up. It was only later in life that the cracks began to show in my psyche; I was prone to anxiety (both a low-level strum inside my chest and, rarely, full-blown panic attacks). Now in my late 30s, and after many therapy sessions, it is clear to me that there is still a residual effect from the events that I witnessed…
‘I Need an Adult!’: Why We’re in Our Thirties with Major Imposter Syndrome
The idea of imposter syndrome has been around since the seventies. It is not an official condition but a collection of bad habits, like perfectionism and valuing yourself by your productivity. In these enlightened times, we know that good mental health should be a priority in the workplace. Yet more than ever, women are struggling…
‘Loneliness is the Ebb and Flow of an Unsettled Tide’: PTSD and its Repercussions on Relationships
Symptoms of the disorder include distressing dreams, flashbacks, hypervigilance, negative beliefs about oneself, reckless behaviour, persistent negative emotional state and dissociation, to name a few. See, my loneliness doesn’t relate to anyone in my social circle; that’s the challenging part to understand. It relates to my trauma. I can be surrounded by people that love me and still feel detached and misunderstood by every single one of them…
How OCD Stole My Early Womanhood
The term itself is thrown around with oblivious disregard, used aimlessly to describe a love for excessive cleanliness and organisation. It has rapidly become the laughingstock of psychiatry, fallen victim to mindless stereotyping and trivialisation. But the honest, unfiltered truth about OCD cannot be found in a bottle of antibacterial handwash. It can be found in the messy rooms and the red-raw hands, the mood stabilisers and the late-night hospital admissions…
Pain, Pills and Coils: My Contraception Quest
The types of contraception I have tried are clearly not suitable for my body. But what do I do now? Do I try another method, like a different pill or a hormonal implant, and just literally hope for the best? All of these are significant invasions of our bodies, and only because they work – meaning they keep us from getting pregnant – do we seem to have given up looking for alternatives…
Confusion, Violation and Rage: Spiked by Injection on a Night Out as a Student
The next morning, having woken enormously confused, I noticed an injection mark on my skin, and the puzzle began to slowly piece together. I spent the next couple of days being questioned and scrutinised by the police. (The case is ongoing, so I cannot recount that night in any more detail. The police are attempting to establish the MO behind spiking via injection as it is a new crime.) …
‘Powerful, Connected, Grateful: How I Learned to Love My Period
‘They’ve Changed My Life’: How Period Knickers Helped Shed My Monthly Shame
Even into my twenties, I’d look in reflections to check for leaks, wearing black trousers on my period or wearing a pad days before I was due, just in case. It took two months and a pep talk from an ad on Instagram to find the courage to try period knickers. I wouldn’t reach for them automatically – the idea of free bleeding into knickers is too daunting – and until my friend mentioned them, they hadn’t been on my radar...
‘It Was a Contained Habit’: Marijuana, Chronic Illness and the Risks of Self-Medicating
I never thought of using marijuana to ease my pain – my doctor suggested it. He informed me that many people who suffer from IBS use it to relax from the stress of their illness. I was desperate, and having previously enjoyed smoking pot, I had nothing to lose…
The Drugs Don’t Work: Antidepressant Stigma and Why Mental Health Headlines Matter
A headline asserting that medication is ineffective without warning readers that they should not immediately stop taking it is irresponsible, given the severity of withdrawal symptoms associated with SSRIs. This sensationalistic sentiment contributes to the stigma surrounding mental health medication and to a reluctance among those who could benefit from additional medical treatment…
How I Survived College with an Undiagnosed Chronic Illness
For many people, going to college poses a fair number of challenges. How will I pay for school? How will I choose a major? How will I balance my classwork and social life? Health is one thing that many young people don’t think about as a potential problem. After all, most young people are the picture-perfect definition of good health…
‘In My Bloodline, Addiction Runs Like Water’: Navigating Adulthood and Substance Use
While other parents were talking to their children about puberty and sex, mine were talking to me about alcohol and drug abuse. You could say I had to grow up a bit faster than most children my age…
Unwanted Advice, Assumptions and Grief: Surviving an Early Loss Miscarriage
It was an early loss. I was out doing the day job of taming everybody else’s brain weasels (I’m a therapist). I doctored my language around my loss, terrified to appear less pro-life, of triggering my sisters who’d made difficult decisions or offending those who’d been empowered in accessing a stigmatised form of healthcare. I felt as though it was my duty to take on the complexities of issues that weren’t comparable, like I was responsible for making everything ok. In my professional life, I’d call that a maladaptive coping mechanism…
What is Free Bleeding and Why Are We Afraid of It?
For those who don’t know, the principle of free bleeding is simple: a person menstruates without using sanitary products (i.e. tampons, pads) to collect the flow. Those partaking in free bleeding intentionally claim that it’s a movement that aims to alter stigmas behind ‘period accidents’, protest extortionate prices of period products, and highlight environmental issues caused by disposable sanitary products…
‘I Began to Question My Sanity’: Dealing with Abusive Relationships and the Aftermath of Trauma
My heart yearns to give, help, and fix. Often, it went unnoticed or unwanted. Patterns of unhealthy, unstable friendships and relationships emerged with the same lesson every time. Yet I still couldn’t grasp what I was doing wrong. It was like Einstein’s Theory of Insanity: doing the same thing over and over, expecting different results. I was pouring from an empty cup, abusing myself by denying myself the simple things I needed…