Sinking the Situationship: Say Goodbye to Drama and Emotionally Draining Dating

By Tilly Aistrop

Situationships are becoming more and more appealing. Casual, fun, open. All the good parts of a relationship, without the pressure or commitment. What could go wrong?

Situationships can be good for loneliness; it’s nice to have someone to spend time with after a long day. When life is stressful and overwhelming at the best of times, that ‘See you after work’ text can be such a relief… until you call to see if they’re on their way to see you, and they’re actually bladdered with another girl.

With the casual nature of situationships, you’re never owed loyalty from the person you’re in it with. So, while you have those comforting nights together, you also have a lot of nights when you’re cancelled on, not replied to or ditched. The comfort against loneliness can be taken away just as easily as it’s given, and there’s not much you can do about it.

Aside from the physical comfort of a situationship, it’s just nice to be with someone who boosts your self-esteem. I mean, what’s hotter than showing your partner your new outfit and getting told ‘Jeans really don’t flatter you’? It really boosts your confidence! Nothing makes a woman feel sexy like being compared to the scene in White Chicks when the buttons of one of the girls’ jeans cartoonishly pops off and flies across the room.

Sometimes in situationships, you find yourself questioning whether you’re asking for the bare minimum, or asking for too much. Because the line between those two things hasn’t been drawn yet. But in any relationship, you are entitled to respect and kindness, and your confidence isn’t something to be chipped away at! Situationship or not, run away from people who don’t understand this.

Another highlight of being in a situationship is that you get to go on cute dates, just like in a relationship. You can go to a cat café and watch your partner spend the entire time on their phone or go to an art gallery and listen to them incessantly bash all of the artwork that they apparently could do themselves. You can even get quite romantic if you want to and drive out somewhere fancy – like to a petrol station – and sit in the car while you wait for them to top up their petrol. Even though romance and quality time are something a lot of us want, and a lot of us do get in situationships, it’s not a component part of a situationship. The lack of a romantic spark can be disappointing, especially when you give up so much of your time and emotions to one person.

Aside from dates, situationships are good because they’re comforting. You can confide in your partner as you would a friend or significant other, and it makes life that little bit easier. If you’re sobbing and need someone to confide in, even in the middle of the night, they’re there to call. Then the next day they can continue making everything better, by making you feel guilty for ever thinking to call them.

But comfort goes both ways – and there’ll come a time when they confide in you too. You might find out some of their deepest trauma. Or maybe they’ll open up to you about the fact they’ve been lying about seeing their guy friends and have instead been with another girl. I’m sure they’re not lying about her being ‘just like a sister’ either. Just in case you’re wondering if you can get upset over this – you can’t!

The thing with situationships is that they’re inherently intimate relationships, and with that comes the hope that your partner will be there for you when you need them. When you give your partner space to confide in you, even if it’s things you don’t like to hear, it feels like a betrayal when that’s not reciprocated. But situationships don’t promise a strong emotional connection.

At the very least, situationships are easy to end. When you send that ‘We need to talk’ text, you can be sure it’s going to be met with maturity. It’s not like they’re going to text you back saying that they’ve just been in a car accident and they’re not okay! Breaking up with someone who’s just been in a car accident just feels wrong. But days later, when you find out they were only rear-ended and they’re very much okay, you’ll feel just fine about telling them to ‘fuck off’ out your life.

Unfortunately, just because situationships are casual, and therefore meant to be drama-free, doesn’t mean it’ll end drama-free. Time and emotions are still invested into the situationship, and it can be difficult when things end. Although I guess whether or not your partner will lord getting into a car accident over your head when you’re ending things is kind of dependent on the partner.

Situationships can be hard, emotionally draining and even traumatic – so be careful when getting into one. The real issue is that for situationships to work, you only need one person to be invested, caring and respectful. Situationships that work out, or at least end on good terms, are the ones that both partners are invested in. Both partners are caring and respectful. But it’s easy to reap the benefits of a situationship without reciprocating any of the effort, and that’s when it becomes hurtful.

If your partner can’t care or respect for you adequately, then why are you bothering to care for and respect them? Sometimes situationships are a painful waste of time and you’re much better off alone. So, if your partner sounds like the one in this article, or if they sound even worse… RUN!