‘At Least You’re Young Enough to Start Again’: What Not to Say to a Friend Getting Divorced at Thirty
‘Finding the Right Person is About Discounting the Wrong People First’: Ten Red Flags that Mean It’s Time to Ditch Your Date
Anyone who’s old enough to remember the unrealistic yet somehow aspirational rom-com How To Lose A Guy In Ten Days is most likely old enough to have as dire a dating life as me. If you’re craving that ‘90s whirlwind romance, then you’re reading the right article. Not because I have some magical instructions on how to manifest movie-like love, but because I have a myriad of failed romances that you can learn from…
Sinking the Situationship: Say Goodbye to Drama and Emotionally Draining Dating
With the casual nature of situationships, you’re never owed loyalty from the person you’re in it with. So, while you have those comforting nights together, you also have a lot of nights when you’re cancelled on, not replied to or ditched. The comfort against loneliness can be taken away just as easily as it’s given, and there’s not much you can do about it…
‘At Least You’re Young Enough to Start Again’: What Not to Say to a Friend Getting Divorced at Thirty
I fall into months of despair. Dark, frantic days that I drink bottles of wine instead of eating meals and analyse every facet of my personality to find the flaw to explain why we ended up here. Why didn’t we succeed? It is amicable, and we are friends. And yet I can’t suppress the feeling that it is all my fault. Or all his fault? I want a reason, just like everyone else…
‘I Don’t Know How to Flirt in My Mother Tongue’: What is the Love Language of an Expat?
I truly learned how to have sex in English, if sex is a learned thing. I read its dictionary in people's beds after I moved to London. My first long-term relationship was with a Brit, and the following one as well. The things I asked for, what they asked of me… I only knew one language to say those words in…
‘Can I Be Pregnant Even Though I’m a Virgin?’: How OCD and Intrusive Thoughts Stole My Enjoyment of Sex
My intrusive thoughts morphed into a specific, unexpected and absurd manifestation: I became hellbent on the irrational belief that I was pregnant… despite being a virgin. Having undergone therapy and had time to heal from this phase of my life, I almost laugh at the ridiculousness of this obsession. However, having never been told that the human brain can torment itself with thoughts so mind-bogglingly illogical, this obsession felt like a truly terrifying reality…
How to Embrace the Freedom and Flexibility of Independence Whilst You’re Single
I’ve been single for the majority of my adult life. Most of the time I adore my independence; it has allowed me to work abroad, build amazing friendships and have the freedom to do what I like, when I like. But being single isn’t always easy. Here is my advice on how to be single when you’re feeling pretty shit…
Sick of Dating Apps? Try Giving Out Business Cards Instead: An Experiment in Love
I have always found it very difficult to approach people and it has been my goal to get better, especially since I don’t drink much alcohol anymore (the classic inhibition remover). Inspired by a friend, I decided to make some business cards to give out to people I fancied…
‘Bisexuality is About Attraction, Not Action’: Embracing Authenticity and Coming Out as a Bisexual Woman Marrying a Straight Man
In a world that often tries to confine individuals within predetermined boxes, the path to self-discovery and acceptance can be an emotionally charged journey. For bisexuals, embracing their true selves while in a relationship that doesn't align with societal expectations can be particularly challenging…
Am I Conflating Comfort with Happiness? Why It’s Time to Question Our Romantic Relationships and Learn to Value All Love Equally
bell hooks’ book, All About Love, completely changed my life when I first came across it as a 20-year-old in my undergraduate course. What struck me is the notion that not all interpersonal connections are treated as if they matter in different important ways. Many of us inevitably lose out on robust friendships as we’ve been taught that nothing is more important than a romantic partner…
How To Recognise The Signs of Coercive Control and Regain Your Sense of Self After Abuse
Although awareness has increased in recent years around coercive control and there has been more education on what this level of abuse entails, there is a gap in the literature on how we can recover and reclaim our identity after escaping this trauma. The first step in recovering from coercive control is understanding the severity of it and recognising it as abuse. It should not be underestimated...
‘Representation Hugely Informs How We Come to Love’: Navigating a Second Adolescence After Coming Out as a Lesbian
Girls were not exposed to anything other than heterosexual relationships. My school library would not stock queer love stories for fear of corrupting students, depriving young queer people of a script. This was never something I consciously realised, but when you only see women being adored by macho heroes or knights in shining armor, there is a risk of falling into binarised traps and maybe even wanting to save distressed damsels!
‘Single Friend Who Gives Great Advice? That’s Me’: Dating as a Late Bloomer and Why it’s OK to Take Your Time
I’ve always found myself enamoured by the idea of love and romance – the effect of someone who binged too many romantic comedies and read even more books. After a while, there reached a point where the love I would read and watch on screen seemed to be a distant fantasy for myself. Since dating never came naturally to me, I came to believe that I might not ever get it, or at least not in the way I truly wanted…
Playing the ‘Feeld’: Getting on the Sex-Positive App and Opening Up My Marriage Last Year
We’re ethically non-monogamous. Keen to have fun with emotionally intelligent, kind humans. This is what my profile reads. I’m the most excited I’ve been in a long while about my sexuality. Having met my husband so young, we’ve only ever been with each other. Now there was the biggest, widest door open before us. I was so fucking ready…
Beyond the Barrier of Penetration: How Vaginismus Led Me to a More Adventurous Sex Life
The variety we found in our sex lives without penetration, and the amount of excitement and fulfilment we got from it showed me that the stigma peddled that sex between opposite-sex partners has to involve penetration simply isn’t true. It was freeing; it gave me permission to stop waiting for my vagina to be ‘normal’, to stop thinking penetration was what I needed to do to please my partner…
Travel, Communication and Commitment: A Conversation With My Partner About Our Binational Relationship
Having met in post-Brexit times, we don’t have the EU to fall back on for easy permits and open borders. This fact makes living in the same place that much harder for us now that we’ve decided to stay in the UK for the foreseeable future. The bureaucratic hurdles are intimidating. And expensive. Plus, it’s a completely new political and financial system that I’m not yet familiar with…
A Disappearing Act: Ghosting as a Product of the Digital Age and How to Get Closure if You’re Haunted
For most of us, a big part of our relationships are mediated through digital devices. We are used to being constantly updated on each others’ lives via social media or direct messages. The result is often that a lack of communication is seen as a problem and an absence of communication as disappearance. In the landline era, communication was more volatile and travelling harder, so vanishing was simple. Now, hyperconnection makes the absence harder to process…
‘We Were Never Going to be a Normal Couple’: Dating a Former Client as a Sex Worker
Now, I might be old school, but back in my day we had three basic rules in the industry: no kissing on the mouth, never share your real name with a client and never date a client outside of work. I broke all three…
‘If You Don’t Understand What It’s Like to be Sexually Abused, that is a Privilege’: To The First Boy I Loved After My Assault
Instead of doubting you, I doubted myself. It wasn’t until I heard what you did to other women that I felt like what had happened to me was valid. In all the sweet nothings I wanted you to whisper to me, you decided you wanted nothing to do with me. Our relationship lasted two-hundred-eighty-one days. You burned everything; you burnt me with it…
Making Friends as a Young Woman in My Early Twenties
It’s odd using Bumble BFF and going on ‘friend dates’ with people who are in the same position. You’d think it would be somewhat easier to go on a first date with a potential friend. Instead I’m beyond nervous, sweaty-palmed with shaking hands, worrying about whether or not they will like me. Seeking validation from a potential friend feels more stressful than when you’re on an actual first date with a potential love interest…
It’s Okay to be a Dating ‘Vicktim’: Red Flags, The Ick and Why You Should Listen to Your Instincts
They sneezed weird. They dropped their wallet. They stumbled. They ordered a German lager and mispronounced it. They got stung by a bee. They sent you a text saying, ‘I am hear’. Their stomach rumbled. They did that silly little run as they crossed the road (just let the car hit you, coward!). In short, this person revealed to you something that is best kept secret during the earliest, most fragile phase of a relationship: they are human...